“Where have all of the manners gone?  Wait, give me just a minute, I need to answer this call.  Okay, what were we talking about?  Oh yeah…”

 Please answer the following questions: 

1. Have you ever answered a cell phone call during the middle of a conversation with your child?
2. Have you ever written a quick email or text message while “listening” to your child tell you about their day?
3. Are you prone to become impatient if Google doesn’t immediately find the answer you are looking for?
4. Do you feel that you could not exist for one day without being “connected?”
5. Do you try to have at least one nice dinner per week in order to practice dining skills?

Now, please answer these questions if you have interacted with young people during the last month: 

1. Do they seem obsessed with their iphone or smartphone?
2. Do they stop texting and make proper eye contact during conversations?
3. Do they feel that they know everything because they can find it at warp speed on the internet?
4. Do they truly believe the life would end if they were not “connected” for more than 1 hour?
5. In general, do you believe that young people today have appropriate dining skills?

Interesting… Are the young individuals lacking manners or just imitating us?  No parent has ever responded “yes” to the following question, “Do you want your child to grow up being an outcast, incapable of communicating with peers, a social misfit, making poor choices about marriage, and unable to maintain a decent career?”  It is a parent’s worst fear.  However, there is hope! We can do little things each day to teach our children the valuable manners and character traits to be successful citizens. 

Solution:  Adults + Manners = Children with a solid foundation for developing manners & character

Control your technology – don’t let it control you!  Technology is a root cause for rude behavior today.  The text message and email will wait while you give your child the attention (eye contact & nonverbal cues) that they deserve.  This is the number one way to teach someday teenagers the importance of people over technology.

Integrity demonstrated is far more powerful than any conversation about it.  When you make a mistake, take responsibility for it.  It is a great teaching moment that your child can reflect upon when they make a mistake (and they will make plenty of them.)

Voice + perspective + patience = Great approach to life’s situations.  Awareness is another root cause for rude behavior today.  As a society, we tend to look outward instead of inward.  “How is their behavior impacting me?”  Rarely, “How is my impatient behavior impacting the tired, mother of three that is working her second shift at the grocery store to make ends meet.”  Imagine the incredible lesson your behavior will teach your child when they see you demonstrating caring and concern for this mother.

Initiate at least one family dinner each week that is meant to be a safe environment for learning table manners.  Have the children help set the table, properly use their utensils, demonstrate engaging conversation, and so forth.   Just imagine how much they will appreciate all your hard work and effort when they confidently navigate the dinner table during their first formal date.   

Love them unconditionally.  When a child feels unconditional love from a parent, it propels that child’s self confidence greatly.  Self confident and secure children tend to make friends easier, develop healthy relationships with teachers, and make positive life choices. 

The paradox about “children + manners = well mannered citizens” is that it doesn’t begin with “children” = it begins with “adults.”    

Better or worse than before?  Historically, each generation has felt that their generation was worse than the previous one.  We tend to remember the “good ole days.”  Therefore, our children will look back on these years and fondly believe they were better because of our hard work and dedication to their development.

Remember the school cafeteria?  A noisy, bustling community of diverse individuals all congregating in one room for one solid hour (similar to our girl friend meet ups at Starbucks).  It is the social hub for all types:  popular, athletic, smart and all other groups.  Hungry for more than just food, everyone gathers around this informational epicenter for the latest news on Justin Bieber or that new kid in English class.  Here is where the heartbeat of true social networking exists.

Rich opportunities abound for your daughter in this miniature microcosm that is teaming with valuable life lessons.  If you’re looking for an interesting dinner topic, probe into your daughter’s experiences in the cafeteria.  There is a good chance you will experience “flash backs” to your very own experiences.  Based on her response, you will have a starting point for ways to challenge or encourage her that will positively impact her relationships not only in this environment, but in future situations.  How we treat each other in the school cafeteria can result in groups remaining separate or integrated. 

What do we want for our daughters?  We want strong girls with solid character.  So, how do we raise strong girls with character so they can make a difference in this sub-community of school?  Using the Four R’s, we’ve outlined for you ways to equip your daughters with tools to navigate the school cafeteria, taking into account her perspective of the environment:

If your daughter views the cafeteria as a second home, chances are she’s in the “in crowd”:

1. Respect.  Respect your daughter’s social networking skills.   Affirm her positive traits and discuss the importance of respecting the others’ unique personalities.
2. Remind.  Help her empathize with new kids by recalling instances where she felt like the “outsider” of the group.  This will motivate her to action.
3. Risk.  Challenge her to step out of her comfort zone by inviting someone eating alone to join her and her circle of friends, introducing the new person to everyone at the table.
4. Reward.  Change in behavior oftentimes requires incentives.  Treat her to a favorite movie or outing that specifically rewards her efforts.  It doesn’t have to be big-just something that acknowledges her desire to make a difference and that motivates repeat behavior.

If your daughter views the cafeteria as Grand Central Station, she’s probably on the “outside looking in”:

1. Respect.  Respect your daughter’s feelings of discomfort or anxiety.  Relate to her by sharing your own experiences, either past or present. 
2. Remind.  Remind her that she is not alone in feeling this way. There are probably many others in the cafeteria that can relate to her emotions.
3. Risk.  Challenge her to step out of her comfort zone by taking the initiative to find a friendly-looking table of girls. Remind her of the FAB FIVE when introducing herself to others:  Stand, Smile, Sight, Shake, and Speak.
4. Reward.  Provide an incentive that rewards her efforts to take risks.  Treat her to her favorite restaurant and continue to shower her with positive reinforcement throughout the meal.  Sometimes affirming words handwritten on a special card can be the most meaningful reward for her.

Regardless of which side of the coin your daughter is on, the results are the same:  she is challenged to think outside of herself and to begin developing the skills and discipline of assimilating with others.  All of us have experienced being on both sides.  It’s what we do with our experiences that matter.

Q.   What are the basic elements that should be included on all invitations?

Whether the invitation is to a casual BBQ or formal wedding, there are several elements of the invitations that should always be included: 

1.  The name or names of the hosts – first and last names should be used

2.  The type of occasion

3.  The date and time

4.  The location 

5.  Any special instructions 

Q.  My six year old daughter is having her birthday party at our house.  Is it okay to send Evites instead of printed invitations?

Absolutely.  For informal gatherings, online invitations such as Evites are an appropriate and efficient way to invite a group of attendees to a birthday or dinner party.  With the convenience of tracking responses online, you as the host or hostess can check daily the number of responses and plan accordingly.

Q.  My fourth grade son wants to invite his entire school class to his upcoming birthday party.  However, there are a few kids in the class that are mean to him and bully him.  Is it okay to invite everyone except these bullies?

I know it must be hard to hear your son talk about being bullied at school.  It is a serious and concerning problem that should be addressed if necessary.  However, two wrongs don’t make a right.  If your son was to invite everyone except these classmates, it would probably hurt their feelings (it may not seem like it, but bullies actually have feelings too – negative experiences may have possibly contributed to their decision to bully).  Instead, take initiative and seize this opportunity to foster a healthy friendship.  It is hard to be mean to people that are kind to you.  It could actually improve the relationship between your son and these bullies.

Q.  I received an invitation to my friend’s 40th Birthday party.  On the invitation, it stated, “No gifts, please.”  Because she is one of my best friends, I feel awkward not bringing a gift.  Would it be okay if I just brought a small gift? 

If the invitation states, “No gifts, please” then we advise you to respect her request and NOT bring a gift.  Showing up with a gift would make it uncomfortable for the host and other attendees who did not bring one.  Instead, consider sending a nice flower arrangement the following day with a thank you note recapping the wonderful evening.

Q.  My husband and I recently sent invitations to a private holiday dinner at our home.  We included an RSVP date with our phone number.  It is now past that date and two couples still have not responded.  How should I handle this situation?

Many of us have busy schedules and we have every intention of responding but sometimes things slip through the cracks.  Because you need to have a head count in order to properly prepare, it is appropriate for you to make a phone call to the invitees that have not yet responded.  Kindly let them know that you are truly hopeful that they can attend and you are calling to see if they are available.

Q.  We recently received an invitation with a response card.  The person who sent the invitation is a good friend of mine that I communicate via Facebook on a daily basis.  Would it be okay to respond using Facebook?  It would be so much easier and faster than the response card.

You have to love the world of technology today.  It has made communication so instantaneous and efficient.  However, it is NOT appropriate to Facebook your response if your friend included a response card.  With any invitation, you should respond using the method indicated on the invitation.  There is a reason why the person chose to include the response card.  The next time you’re on Facebook, you can send her a direct message letting her know “it’s in the mail”.

Q.  My daughter invited 25 of her friends to her tenth birthday party.  Each invitee gave her a gift.  With so many thank you notes to write, is it okay if I help her and write half of them?

Twenty five thank you notes involve a good amount of writing.  While it would be easier to help write half of the notes, your daughter should write all of them.  You can assist by helping her plan out her schedule over the next few days where she can accomplish this task in a pleasant and unhurried environment.  It is a learning experience.  Explain to her that everyone took the time to find, purchase, and wrap a special gift just for her.  Carving out time to personally write a thank you note shows gratitude and will make the giver feel appreciated.

Q.  Do you really need personalized thank you notes?  Can’t we just use the preprinted ones?

We recommend that you not only order nice, high-quality stationery for yourself but your children as well (as soon as they can write.)  It makes a positive impression when someone receives a hand-written thank you note on quality stationery.  Think about a time when you received a preprinted thank you note that was simply signed versus a nice hand-written note.   It really does make a difference.

Q.  Last week when I was in bed sick, my thoughtful neighbors brought dinner to my family one evening.  Do I need to send a thank you note or can I just personally thank them again when I’m feeling better?

In this instance, you are not required to send a thank you note.  However, it would be a nice gesture to do so.  Your neighbors demonstrated a wonderful act of kindness and truly deserve the time and effort of a hand-written thank you note (even when you don’t feel up to par.)  Just think about the time and energy it took for them to plan the meal, shop for the ingredients, prepare the meal, and deliver it to your front door – it definitely deserves a grateful, hand-written thank you note.

Q.  So, is there an “official list” on when to send thank you notes?

Great question.  It depends on the occasion.  The following is a general guideline on when it is appropriate to send thank you notes.  They are divided into “must” and “nice gesture”.  When in doubt, always reach for your pen and paper, you might just make a difference in someone’s day.

A MUST:

Party hosted in your honor

Gifts received by mail
Invited by someone as a guest for an event (sports, theater, etc.)

Houseguest for one or more nights

Notes or gifts of congratulations

Job Interview

NOT REQUIRED BUT A NICE GESTURE:

Regular guest at a dinner party

Birthday gifts received, opened in person, and giver is personally thanked

Unexpected acts of kindness (special favors, meals, running errands)

Soon it will be back-to-school time for parents and children across the country!  Parents will be diligently purchasing supplies while kids begin adjusting back to the weekly routine of classes.   And, although, natural Darwinism returns each year to the play ground, the threat of cyberbullies continues without ceasing for back-to-school schedules, summer vacations, holidays, or spring break.

Cyberbullying is the online equivalent to schoolyard bullying.  It involves young people on both sides of the communication, and it continues to be a growing problem each year.  According to www.Stopcyberbullying. org, “Cyberbullying is any kind of harassment, insults, and humiliation that uses mobile, wireless, or Internet-related technology in some way to hurt another child, preteen, or teen.”  If there is an adult on either side of the communication, it is cyberharassment, not cyberbullying.

Recently, I met with the principal of our local elementary school.  As we were discussing the school’s Character Counts! program, I asked the principal, “What do you see as the number one problem among children today?”  Remember, this is the principal of an elementary school – grades K thru 6th grade.  To my surprise, she stated, “Cyberbullying.”  She shared several examples of how elementary-age kids had used the internet to bully other kids. 

As technology advances, cyberbullies emerge at an increasingly younger age.  Yet, the parents of these young kids are still not aware of the dangers, concerns or participation by their “sweet little angels.”  In addition, the kids impacted by their cyberbullies are too afraid to share with their parents that they are victims of it.

What are the various forms of cyberbullying?  What does it look like today?

• Inappropriate pictures posted and tagged on Facebook
• Hateful or mean text messages sent to a teenager’s iphone
• Embarrassing comments posted on a teen’s blog
• Harassing instant messages sent via chat boards
• Stealing passwords or personal account information
• Building fake profiles on social media networks

These are just a few examples of the many ways that kids can cyberbully.  There are many others.

How do we prevent our children from becoming victims?  Education is the best way to prevent cyberbullying from happening!  As parents, we can take an active role by educating our kids.  If you have school age children, preteens, or teens, take the following steps to protect your child from the growing number of cyberbullies:

Brief your child on the facts about cyberbullying.  Set aside one-on-one time for open discussion.

Understand his/her fears and concerns. Assure your child that you are a trusted place to turn to.

Learn the facts to determine the best way to respond if your child is a cyberbullying victim.

Leverage resources.  Collaborate with other parents and educators to address cyberbullying.

You are your child’s greatest advocate – be as involved as possible and immediately report serious allegations to the local law enforcement authorities when it occurs.

Cyberbullying is a real and presence danger to our children today.  Don’t wait until it has reached a detrimental point that you take the time to educate your child about what it is and how to prevent it.  If your child has reached 13 years or older, we recommend that you enroll them in our eLearning course, Online Etiquette.  It will highlight the importance of properly setting the privacy controls as well as the guidelines for online behavior.  We can help prevent cyberbullying by teaching the youth about online and offline respect and consideration for others.

Have you ever noticed that there is no “I” in “TEAM”?   As a working mom, you are a critical team member of not only your work group, but your family as well.  Additionally, you might even be on a school committee or volunteer for your daughter’s sports team.  The trick is to balance all of the teams in a way that does not favor one individual, but creates a “win-win” situation for everyone. 

The family TEAM can greatly impact your success at home as well as in the working world.  We have all experienced times when everything is running smoothly at home.  Your daughter is quietly doing her homework while you are preparing for a client meeting, your husband comes home with news of a promotion, and the roast is in the oven.   Then, there are the challenging moments:  Your daughter is stressing over her first C and needs to talk about it with you right now while you are on a conference call with a client, your husband received news of his lay-off, and your day was spent putting out business fires so that dinner is an afterthought.  Whether your family TEAM is in the midst of a smooth or turbulent time, both situations are equally good teaching moments for your daughter to learn valuable manners and lessons that will not only help her to succeed, but every single member of the family as well.

Let’s use the word T.E.A.M to illustrate how well mannered children can contribute to your success at work as well as success in their own lives.

T – Thoughtfulness    As humans, we tend to focus on ourselves first.  Thinking of others is a learned behavior that improves with time and practice.  When we think of others first, we show respect for them.  Respect is an essential core of every healthy relationship.  For example, when you invest the time to explain to your daughter the importance of not interrupting you while on a business call, you are teaching her to respect your time and interaction with others.  As she learns to incorporate thoughtfulness in her responses, this gives you confidence to answer future client phone calls at home knowing that you will be able to have a professional, uninterrupted conversation.  This is a much better scenario than the anxiety associated when the phone rings because you are unsure whether or not you will be refereeing a smack down wrestling match between your children.  This lesson also translates into your daughter’s world because it helps guide her interactions at her school.  She will think first before interrupting a teacher or principal who is in conversation with another and wait patiently for them to finish before speaking to them.

E – Empowerment    An old Chinese proverb states:  “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”.  As moms, we often “just take care of it” for the sake of concern, convenience and more often… control.  It is much easier to solve the problem for our daughters than to watch them painfully make mistakes and reap the consequences.  However, the sooner you can equip her with the proper tools to make good decisions, the more successful she will be in the long run.  Teaching your daughter to embrace initiative, decision making, problem solving, and accountability will equip her with invaluable skills to succeed in life.  If your daughter is able to figure out how to solve little day to day problems around the house, she will be less likely to constantly interrupt you for trivial problems.  Begin by empowering your daughter today – you’d be surprised at how much she can handle, even at a very young age.

A – Acknowledgement   Positive reinforcement is critical to your daughter’s development and confidence.  When she respects your closed office door and waits until you are available to ask questions, acknowledge her positive and respectful behavior.  Be creative and find fun ways to show you appreciate her efforts.  Write her a personal note ahead of time thanking her for her patience and quiet activity while you are on a business call.  Before you take the call, personally hand deliver the note to her with gratitude and appreciation.  Chances are she will save all your notes and will be motivated to continue displaying behavior that is important to you.  Whenever you hear her say “please” and “thank you”, let her know how much you appreciate her polite manners.  These are win-win situations for everyone.  You are helping groom a respectful and considerate citizen and team member while creating a better work environment for yourself and those whom you interact with.

M – Margin   We live in a culture that expects us to do more with less time.  For example, technology, which is intended to create efficiency, has in some ways tempted us with more options to spend our time.  An increasingly over-scheduled household leaves family team members impatient and irritable with one another.  Model for your daughter how creating margin is essential to a balanced lifestyle.  Teach her that saying “no” at times is in reality a considerate and respectful response.  An overcommitted individual cannot perform her best.  Margin in your family’s schedule recognizes that team members have limits and requires an intentional decision to reserve “space” for personal activities and interests that will re-energize and invigorate everyone.  When your daughter recognizes that a person has limits and is not “superwoman”, she begins to adjust her expectations of you and others in her world.  She will be more understanding and respectful of others’ availability and their schedules instead of continuing with an “all about me” attitude.  This in turn translates to a respect for your work schedule and the margin you need as a working mom in order to function at your best both in the home and office.

Working together with family members is key to a rich and fulfilling home/work life.  Daily demands strip energy from working moms and prevent them from making long term investments in their children’s behavioral responses.  Using the T.E.A.M. tools outlined above can help manage some of these demands and even contribute to your success at work and at home.  Much of your work experience can be useful in teaching and modeling manners to your children, who will be equipped to operate with the utmost respect and consideration in their present and future relationships.  Small steps performed with intention and consistency will pay dividends in the long run.  “We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle.

Meeting others in person politely…

Q:  I was always taught to say yes Ma’am or no Sir.  We teach our kids to do the same and to address adults by Mr. & Mrs. in front of their last name.  Are we being too old-fashioned?

A:  You are not being old-fashioned!  In fact, your choice of titles shows your respect for others.  We encourage you to keep on teaching these valuable manners in your home – it’s the first place where children learn respect.  When you talk to your child about someone that is not present, stay consistent by referring to them as “Mrs. Jackson or Mr. Jackson”.

Q:  My son has two teachers who insist on having him call them by their first names only.  How do I handle this when it conflicts with what I’m trying to teach him?

A:  Manners is about respecting others.  If your son’s teachers are more comfortable being addressed by their first name, it’s okay to do so.  What’s not okay is if he makes the first move without an invitation.  The guideline is to always address adults by their title and last name unless given permission to do otherwise.

Q:  I was also taught to stand when an adult enters the room so I expect the same from my children.  Are my expectations too high for today’s youth?

A:  With convenient online connections on the rise, polite gestures such as standing (considered inconvenient to some), are quickly fading from personal introductions in today’s youth.  Standing to greet someone new entering the room shows that you respect and value their presence.  It makes them feel welcome and you will leave a positive lasting impression.

Q:  My daughter is really shy and I’m having a hard time trying to get her to make eye contact when meeting people.  Do you have any tips?

A:  With shy children, a gradual approach with manageable steps works best.  Never use force during the actual meeting – it’s intimidating enough talking to adults.  Keep the interaction brief when your daughter is present.  Later when you’re back at home, you can review the experience, reinforce your expectations of her, and continue to practice maintaining eye contact with her.

Q:  I find that my son is constantly interrupting people while they are talking.  How do I get him to wait patiently and allow others to finish their sentences?

A:  When you have a great idea, it’s so hard to wait your turn!  Even as adults, we are still making strides in this area.  Patience is a learned skill and takes practice.  At home, implement the three R’s:  Review, Role-play, and Reward.  1. REVIEW.  Set clear expectations:  We don’t interrupt.  2. ROLE-PLAY.  Model expectations and show how to take turns with real-life scenarios.  3. REWARD:  Incentives help shape behavior.  Decide appropriate levels of progress and reward him along the way.

Q:  I was at the checkout line in the grocery store talking to an elderly, overweight woman.  I introduced my son to her and after meeting her, he inquired, “How did you get so BIG?!”  I immediately wanted to crawl into the freezer section.  How do I get out of this one?

A:  You can’t.  You are already committed.  First, don’t make your son apologize.  He won’t understand as he is innocently verbalizing his thoughts.  Offer a sincere apology: “I’m so sorry.  Please excuse my son’s comment.  We are still working on appropriateness.”  Then later at home, encourage your son to continue to talk about how people are different but that sometimes we don’t have to point every detail out loud.  This is a process so be prepared for future teaching moments.  As you yourself model respect for diversity (you may need to really tune in on your casual remarks now), your son will notice and will begin to do the same.

Greeting callers on the phone respectfully…

Q:  My 5 year old has wanted to answer the phone when it rings.  When is the right age for my child to start answering the home phone?

A:  If your child still holds the phone upside down when talking, you may want to wait a little bit.  The right time is when your child is both interested and responsible which may not necessarily be driven by age.  An enthusiastic  5 year old who can handle basic phone information is more likely to do a better job than a 10 year old who carelessly lets the phone ring off the hook.

Q:  How should children answer the phone?  “Smith residence, Jennifer speaking” sounds so formal.  Is a simple “Hello” okay?

A:  When answering the home phone, teach your children to say a pleasant and clear, “Hello.”  Remind them that the same principles apply as with face-to-face greetings:  Address familiar adults with a Mr. or Mrs. unless otherwise instructed, refrain from the use of slang, and appropriately say “please” and “thank you” whenever possible.

Q:  My son is learning how to answer the phone and take messages.  He is pleasant when greeting the caller.  Are there any other basics we should be teaching him?

A:  Safety is just as important as manners.  Remind your son that when he is answering the phone, he is a Note-Taker, NOT a News Reporter.  His job is to get information about the caller and reason for the call and to deliver the message to you.  He should NOT be broadcasting personal information such as his name, address, and whereabouts of family members.

Q:  I have been role-playing with my daughter on how to properly make a call using her toy phone.  We are ready to make a “real” call.  Do you have any ideas on how to practice with a “live” conversation?

A:  A safe audience is your extended family.  Start by allowing her to call grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  With your family, it is safe to announce her name:  “Hello, this is Ashley.  May I please speak to Uncle Joe?”  and a respectful close:  “Thank you very much.  I enjoyed talking to you.  Good-bye.”  Once she has mastered this, you can supervise her calls to adults in her life such as neighbors, coaches or music teachers.  She will gain confidence with each call and hopefully will transfer these same manners when she receives the privilege of having her own phone someday.

“DeToxing The Teenage Brain On Social Media:  What Smart Parents Do To Plug-In Limits on Getting Unplugged At Home.”

Have you ever tried to have a serious conversation with your teenager while he or she was texting? Impossible, right? Should the house be burning down and your teen is in the middle of a video game, would they keep playing as you dial 911? (This is not a trick question. The answer is YES.) How about trying to enjoy a family dinner when your teen’s cell phone rings and they immediately jump to answer it? 

As parents, how can we help our technology-addicted teens? Two words: Family Intervention. At The Protocol Institute.com, we recommend the following four ideas to alleviate the constant stress and distraction of social media on the home front. 

1.     Prioritize Digital-Free Meals At Home and While Dining Out–

Let’s be honest, there are some times when you’d really just like a quiet dinner and would not have to struggle to engage your teenager in conversation, so you may be just fine and dandy if they text away between bites of hamburger and fries–but if you don’t want to have a fried relationship, you will lay down the law and put in the extra effort to connect. There’s nothing like face-to-face conversation with your teen for forging a deep relationship. If your kids can’t talk to you about what’s happening in their lives, then they’ll perhaps be getting less savory types to listen to them. Your best defense for a teenager who makes it through these critical years of rebellion in one piece is for parents to hold the space for open dialogue. And the dinner table is a wonderful venue for this. If you absolutely can’t think of a single thing to say to your kids over the course of a meal, there are wonderful dinner games to help open the conversation, like Zobmondo.com’s “You’ve Gotta Be Kidding–Would You Rather” game. A game that promotes logical thinking and reveals information you would not have ever known about hilarious scenarios your family members might pick given the choice. 

2.     Be Facebook Friends With Your Kids, Tweet & Text Them.

You say you have no need for Facebook, that social media doesn’t help you make “real friends”—and that is where you are sadly wrong.  If you are on Facebook or Twitter for no other reason then to stay connected to your children, we applaud you.  Just try sending your teen a FB message, post on their wall, or retweet something they’ve said.  Send them supportive texts, short and sweet, “You really made me laugh last night at dinner.”  At first, they might be a bit disturbed that you are following them, but if you make appropriate fun comments about what they say, it can help your relationship immensely.  Or ask them to check out something you’ve tweeted.  If you can’t figure out how to set up a FB or Twitter account, ask for their help!  And who knows, you just might become friends or be followed by someone that they really want to know…then you can do them a favor and send a friend suggestion or DM intro!

3.     Explain The Value of Thinking Before You IM Or Say Something You Later Regret.

We live in a world of instant gratification: fast food, instant messaging, microwave cooking, live stream newsfeeds, etc…

In this fast-paced world, it can only seem natural to a teenager to immediately blurt out what’s on their minds, posting instantly on FB or Twitter or Text, only to be horrified by what they have said two seconds later. Yes, you could remove the post but you can not undo a text or take back spoken words.  There’s a wise checklist about thinking before you speak. Just ask yourself the following questions…

Is it necessary?

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Will it hurt anyone?

Will it improve on the silence?

A fun and educational activity is to look together with your teens for news stories or real life situations that highlight the value of thinking before you speak.  Just google, “political verbal blunders” and you’ll find a wealth of info!

4.     Be The Model Of Tech Restraint.

We’re all fascinated by the latest tech gadgets but what message does it send to kids when a mom or dad is on their iphone at the Little League game–or at the dinner table, their phone is right next to their plate?  Is this really the time and place to let the phone take center stage? The apple (as in Mac) doesn’t fall far from the tree and if parents are too addicted to their tech time, then their kids will certainly pick up on this and follow the parent’s lead.  I know a mom who laid down the rules and had everybody unplugging on Tuesdays from 4-8, and that worked so well for fun family time, it’s now a daily habit.  There’s a hilarious and practical book called, “The Winter of Our Disconnect: How Three Totally Wired Teenagers (And A Mother Who Slept With Her Iphone) Pulled The Plug on Their Technology and Lived to Tell The Tale by Susan Maushart.  Make it a family read/discussion…and just maybe avoid the e-book version.

A New Resource for Manners and Etiquette Questions 

• 1.  Do you receive a text from your son or daughter in the other room asking “What’s for dinner?”  
• 2.  Do your kids get more excited about sending out Facebook friend requests than personally introducing themselves when meeting others (especially adults) at social events?  
• 3.  Has technology robbed the iGeneration of face-to-face conversational skills?  
• 4.  How do we address these emerging challenges in a way that is relevant to our youth?  

The problem:  An increasing lack of respect and consideration for others and oneself.

The solution:  Use technology to teach and equip individuals with etiquette and basic life skills to successfully connect both online and offline.

About four years ago, I was struggling with what you read above. Sitting in my Los Angeles home, I desperately searched for an online etiquette class for my two children. After my extensive research came up empty, I decided to attend The American School of Protocol’s training in order to teach manners myself. While attending the training, I crafted the business idea to create a product that is convenient, simplified, and cost effective for parents — yet engaging for children.

The method:  Affordable eLearning courses priced at $9.99 each that can be accessed anytime, anywhere with rich, engaging interactivity that captures the interest and curiosity of digital literate children.

eLearning is NOT a static PDF file that you read on your own nor is it your traditional click-through presentations that “push” information to a passive learner. Rather, The Protocol Institute’s eLearning courses invite learners to “pull” information from a variety of interactive points on the screen. This approach encourages further exploration, transforming learners into “active” participants.

The Protocol Institute carefully selected award winning companies to design and develop world class eLearning courses, resulting in interactive, state-of-the-art content that involves visuals, audio, and assessment through fun quizzes. Additionally, the program incorporates social media into the learning environment to encourage further collaboration through its private community, available to all registered users. It’s like having a private Facebook around your courses.

In June 2010, the company released its first eLearning series to teach and equip young adults with etiquette and basic life skills in six areas. The following areas were identified by parents as the most common challenges:

Introducing Yourself and Others: Create a lasting impression with others by properly introducing yourself with our FAB FIVE, Order of Introductions, and tips on remembering names.

Group Conversations: Be a conversational champion in group settings and learn methods to handle awkward intrusions from non-stop talkers and other challenging personality types.

Thank You Notes: Understand the impact of a personal handwritten note, know when to use email, and tips on what to include in the body of the note using a simple acronym.

Text Messaging and Mobile Phone Etiquette: Learn how to coexist with your smart phone with consideration by looking at the most contemporary guidelines for text messaging and mobile phone etiquette.

Character Education: Explore what character means in the context of being appropriate, considerate and truthful in your relationships. Thought-provoking scenarios are brought in for consideration and maximum impact toward behavioral changes.

Dining Finesse: Set your own table online! This interactive exercise provides a comprehensive learning experience that will lend confidence when sitting down to a formal dining table or when asked to set the table at home.

Test drive one of our eCourse today see how effective and efficient online learning can be!

Your social capital can be as important as your financial capital – in fact, it can greatly impact your financial situation when looking for a job.  To help you invest your social capital wisely, we have listed five social media mistakes to avoid:

1. Too informal – Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn are considered informal channels of communication.  A best practice is to always err on the side of formal communication when interacting with a potential employer.  Now is not the time to try out the latest Twitter slang. 
2. Wrong profile picture – You only get one chance to make a first impression.  Think twice before you upload that beach volleyball photo.  If you want others and potential employers to take you seriously, make sure that your profile visually conveys the same level of professionalism. 
3. Keep current – It is important that you keep your profile information current – especially with LinkedIn.  You could be missing out on opportunities simply because a potential employer is unable to see all of your achievements and accomplishments.
4. Hold the negative and pass on the “tmi” – Posting negative, rude, or inappropriate comments on any social media channel is discouraged.  Also, revealing too much information about your personal life can score points against you.  A potential employer does not want to hire someone that will represent their company in the same manner. 
5. Tag with care – Don’t post and tag unflattering pictures of others.  It shows a disrespect for relationships that a potential employer would not want in their workforce.

Consequences of these mistakes…

All of the above mistakes could cause that dream job to slip through your fingers!  It is critical that your online personality matches your offline personality.  Strive for congruency both in the personal interview and your online presence.  More and more employers are using social media to “fine-tune” their choices for potential job candidates.

 How to avoid them…

“Think before you Act” = Successful communication and profiles on social media.  Remember these guidelines: 

1. Tweet with Tact
2. Post with Professionalism
3. Formal Flair in Communication 

Think before you ACT– make sure it is Appropriate, Considerate and Truthful.

For more valuable information about social media, check out our eCourse “The Professional Series – Social Media” to learn how to invest your social capital wisely.

From McDonalds to the Four Seasons, dining out with your son or daughter can be a pleasurable experience.  It simply takes an investment of time, patience, planning, and practice.  The good news is that once you have made the investment, your child will have the confidence and finesse to dine with his or her friends, colleagues, bosses or diplomats. 

As you begin or continue your journey of making your way through the abundance of restaurants, we would like to offer our Top 5 Tips for dining out with kids. 

1.  Set the goal for a formal dining restaurant but begin with a kid-friendly one.   You can begin eating out with your son or daughter as early as you are prepared for it.  Eating out with a one year old takes planning and patience.  We also suggest that you begin with a casual, kid-friendly restaurant until you and your child are comfortable with a more formal environment.   Once your child is familiar with dining out, we encourage you to take them to a nice, formal restaurant periodically.  This will give them exposure to the formal environment and help build their dining confidence.

2.  Look beyond the Kids’ Menu – there are some delicious alternatives.  Chicken fingers, pasta, hamburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches tend to be the restaurant standard on the kid menu – and most kids love to eat them!  We would like to encourage you to look beyond the kid menu for some great healthy alternatives.  Instead, you could consider ordering from the appetizer menu or soup menu.  In certain restaurants, they will prepare smaller sized portions of a main entree if you ask.   By ordering something other than finger foods, it will not only give your son or daughter the opportunity to work on their silverware skills, but it will expand their exposure to different tastes.   In addition, expose them to foods from other cultures by planning an “International Dinner Night”.  Make it both fun and educational by doing research on interesting facts about the country of choice.

3.  Embrace the face-to-face conversation with a technology free dinner.  Is it okay for my child to have a handheld game device (such as a Gameboy) at a restaurant? No, we strongly encourage parents not to begin the habit of allowing children to use mobile devices while dining out.  By doing so, you are teaching the child how to cope with an unfamiliar situation or boredom by disconnecting socially.  Instead, turn off your smartphone and be prepared!  Once you are seated at the table, immediately begin engaging your son or daughter into a conversation that is interesting to them.  Ask them about their friends, school, interests, sports, or desires.  Make eye contact, let the conversation flow back-and-forth, portray positive body language, and listen attentively.  Children feel respected, appreciated and loved when a parent spends quality time to listen and learn about them.

4.  Set expectations before dining out with a trial run at home.  Children are not born with the knowledge of dining etiquette or manners.  They are learned behaviors.  And, since we all appreciate learning new things in the safe place before being judged by society, teach and practice dining skills with your children at home first.  A parent should begin with basic table manners and gradually work toward the formal dinner.  A creative way to prepare for dining out is to schedule an “at-home” restaurant night.  Set the table like that of your favorite restaurant, have pretend menus with that night’s dinner, dress up as the waitress, and let the fun begin! During the dinner, it is a perfect time to discuss dining out expectations.  Share with your kid your expectations for their behavior and encourage them.  After the experience, be sure to highlight their positive behavior and accomplishments.  Let them know how much you enjoyed it.  These small steps with help to build knowledge and confidence in your child. 

 5.  Have everyone’s meal served at the same time.  As parents, our first thought at a restaurant is to occupy our child so that negative behavior is avoided.  Unfortunately, as a society, we have become accustomed to having our kid’s meal served as soon as possible in order to keep them occupied.  This approach creates three areas of concern.  First, your son or daughter is being conditioned to expect their food instantly upon arriving at a restaurant.  It is not a reasonable expectation unless they eat at fast-food restaurants for the rest of their lives.  Secondly, the child is typically finished with their meal prior to the adults receiving their main entree.  As a result, the child becomes impatient while the adults finish their entree creating a rushed environment usually coupled with a bit of tension.  Thirdly, the child does not learn the most important part of an enjoyable dinner – the conversation.  A nice restaurant (or family) dinner should be about enjoying the company of great friends and family while eating a delicious meal.  It is the perfect time to build and accelerate relationships. 

Dining out with kids can, and should, be an enjoyable event.   It is a valuable investment of our time and effort as parents to give our sons and daughters dining skills that will serve them well for a life time.  Take your children out to dinner, engage in a great conversation and enjoy – Bon Appétit!